If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
