Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
