ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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