remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
