we have officially lost it.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
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She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
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My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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