I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
