i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize