I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
