Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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