I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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