we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She's the barista slut.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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