plz talk dirty to me
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
