My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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