Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
