I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
