So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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