So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i think i have two assholes
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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