just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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