hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize