Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
