If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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