chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
