i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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