do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
