I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
