The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
