but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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