so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
