he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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