After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
her facebook's as public as her vagina
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
