At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
