im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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