is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
