i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
