i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
