I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
