I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize