My room smells like vodka and shame
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
dude. I can hear the air.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
