I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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