I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
only if we run a train.
done.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
