Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
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