genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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