dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
