i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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