Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
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