Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
