I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
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We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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