remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
bring money and cleavage
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
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