All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
