Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
