There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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