we have officially lost it.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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