did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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