i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
