I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
