Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
