It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
