just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
