My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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