We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I love you.
Bad choice
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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