please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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