I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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