i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
