i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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