Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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