i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
